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How to talk to people (even if you don’t know what to say)

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You’ve probably been there before 😛 TAGEND

You walk up to a group of friends talking. Stay where you are awkwardly while waiting for one of them to notice you. Wish for demise. You start telling a story to groupings of people and — in the middle of it — realise the tale sucks. Continue anyway. You go to an event and instead of meeting people, pull out your phone and furiously check email.

With your friends or household, you have the BEST stories, but if you only met a group of people, all of a sudden your mind runs blank and you have nothing to say.

Today, I want to teach 3 systems that helped me know how to talk with confidence and know exactly what to say in any social situation.

They are 😛 TAGEND

Perfect Words Story Toolbox Question Toolbox

Let’s get at it.

How to talk to people system# 1: Perfect Words

A while back, I went out to coffee with a good friend of mine. Now normally, when I order coffee, I am saying, “Hey, I’ll have a latte. Thank you, ” before going on my way.

But when my buddy ran up to order his coffee, he had four people around him perfectly cracking up within seconds. The barista was smiling. People around him were chuckling. And everyone seemed to just really enjoy his presence.

And guess what he said that got all this going. It was, “What’s good today? ”

That’s it! From that one line he was able to start a great conversation.

Now I want you to check out the rest of his conversation — and ensure what you notification 😛 TAGEND

MY FRIEND: What’s good today?

BARISTA:( smiling) Everything is good.

MY FRIEND:( teasing) Everything isn’t good. Tell me the truth!

BARISTA: Well, we just got a new cold-pressed coffee machine and I hear that’s supposed to be good.

MY FRIEND: No, I mean what would YOU get if you could get anything?

BARISTA:( giggles) I actually think that our scones are the best things ever.

MY FRIEND: Well, I’ll have two of those please!

A few takeaways 😛 TAGEND

He’s just saying normal things. There’s no magic line or canned jokes here. My friend was just saying simple things that, on their face, aren’t very clever…but none of that mattered!

He had a lot of energy. The route my friend said things was way more important than what he said. If he went into this situation with low energy and delivered everything in a monotone voice, he would not have gotten the same positive effect.

The cashier LOVED this. She expends all day listening to those aforementioned monotone voices order the same thing over and over. Finally, she got someone who broke that monotony and stimulated her smile. My friend brightened her day and was memorable.

My friend did all this by leveraging a system called the “Perfect Words.”

What are the Perfect Words? Luckily for you, they set up a whole volume of them called…

…the dictionary.

Boo

The truth is there are no Perfect Words.

Instead, it’s how you say things that determines how you come off.

To show you what I mean, I’m going to give you three phrases and show you exactly how you can use them to open a great conversation 😛 TAGEND

Hi, how’s your morning running? Hi, I don’t think we’ve satisfied. I’m Ramit. Good morning. How are you?

These three simple phrases have no “magic” to them — and yet they’ve worked millions of days since the dawning of dialogue openers.

What I want you to do now is start to consider the different ways you can deliver these phrases.

Here are three simple ways you can do that 😛 TAGEND

Smiling. Many of us don’t typically smile when we’re opening a conversation. We’ll say things like, “Hi, how’s your morning going? ” and deliver it like we’re a doctor devote bad news.

But when we DO smile, it’s the instant ice breaker. And it’s so simple to do.

So practice letting your smile “fill your face.” I used to videotape myself speaking to find out I wasn’t smiling enough. It gets easier once you start practicing.

Slow down. The velocity in which we say something can have a huge consequence on how people perceive us. When we’re nervous, we tend to speed up the way we talk. When we slow down though, it gives people time to connect with you. Couple that with a good smile and you got a winning system.

So try slowing down what you’re saying by 50%. It will feel sluggish, but this is perfect for everyone else. It helps to enunciate your words too. Young Ramit get way ahead using this one tip.

Change your tone. Way back in the day, I had no tonality whatsoever when I talked. I’m sure you could close your eyes and not tell if you were conversing with me or Ben Stein. Eventually I realized this, so I started to speak with more energy — and it did WONDERS.

Try taking whatever level you’re at when you normally talk, and add 50% more energy into your voice. What feels weird to you is NORMAL to everyone else.

Action step: Implement the Perfect Words 3x/ day for a few weeks

I want you to use the three phrases above every day for seven days on different strangers. It can be your Amazon Prime delivery guy, your barista, the checkout dame at the grocery store, whoever!

As you use the phrases though, keep in mind the different ways you can change up how you deliver your words( smiling, slowing down, and changeable your tone ).

A few other things to remember 😛 TAGEND

They’re called social “skills, ” and like any skill, you can get better at them. We’re starting small on purpose. As you get more used to it, you can start to scale and open conversations with more people.

Most people you talk to are bored all day long. This means you’ll be doing them a favor by engaging with them just like my friend was with the cashier at the coffee shop.

Note their reactions and your reactions. Did the person you’re talking to start smiling and giggling because of your energy? Or did they retreat because you built them uncomfortable? How did you feel while you were smiling or talking slowly?

Don’t worry if this doesn’t feel comfortable right away. It’s not supposed to. Just trust the system.

How to talk to people system# 2: Make a Story Toolbox

I’m a firm disciple in the idea that telling a tale is the best way to engage someone. It doesn’t matter if you’re with friends or if you’re trying to sell a product. A good story can make a world of change when it comes to building a good first impression( notification the beginning of this very post …).

That’s why you always want a large well of great narratives to draw on.

You can create your Story Toolbox utilizing any tool you prefer, such as 😛 TAGEND

Google Docs( what I use) Microsoft Word Microsoft Excel Evernote A physical notepad

It doesn’t matter what you record them with as long as you ARE recording them. These tales is likely to be funny, entertaining, or serious — and you might actually want to organize them as such.

Action step: Create your Story Toolbox

Designate a place to put your tales, and start by adding five of them.

If you can’t think of five good narratives, think back to the last time you hung out with your friends or family.

What did you talk about? What stimulated everyone laugh? Every household has an embarrassing/ hilarious narrative. What is it for your family?

Hang out with your friends or household in the next few days, and write down the things you naturally talk about. This will help seed your Story Toolbox for the first time.

How to talk to people system# 3: Make a Question Toolbox

If you want to keep the other person you’re talking to engaged, there’s no better way to do it than with a thought-provoking question. It helps you always have something to say and talk to someone you don’t know.

Of course, depending on the context of your conversation, you’re going to want to have different questions for different scenarios.

I remember once, my friend noticed me checking this daughter out at a bar, so he goaded me into talking to her. So I approached her and this exchange was downed 😛 TAGEND

Ramit: Hi, I’m Ramit.

Woman: Hi, I’m[ whatever ].

Ramit: You look like a vodka soda girl.( I know, I know. I don’t know where this horrific line come back here .)

Woman: … no.

I was surprised by how she simply shut me down, so I decided to have some fun.

Ramit: Aw, c’mon. I’ve been right 100/100 periods for the last 5 years. How are you going to break my streak like that?

Woman: I’m a recovering alcoholic.

Shortest. Conversation. EVER. But a funny story now.

If instead, I came in with my question toolbox filled with questions that weren’t awful pick-up lines, I might have had better luck. That’s why you’re going to want to craft different meaty questions for different scenarios.

Action step: Create your Question Toolbox

So the next time you’re attaining small talk, take note of great questions you hear and ask. Save them in your Question Toolbox for later.

Here are a few good sample questions to get you started 😛 TAGEND

Networking events/ industry conventions 😛 TAGEND

What built you made the decision to do X? What are the biggest challenges when it comes to your industry? If you had to do X again, what would you do differently? As you gained more experience in X, what became more important and why? What would attain today/ this event successful for you? What still amazes you about X?

Dates 😛 TAGEND

What are your biggest aims right now? How do you spend your time? Playful questions like: Which do you like more — pancakes or waffles? What do you dislike most about dating?( This question is both interesting and can help you avoid doing the thing they dislike .) What’s your favorite eatery in the city? Why? Which Spotify playlist is the soundtrack to your life?

Baristas/ wait staff 😛 TAGEND

What’s your favorite thing on the menu? Why? What’s the craziest thing someone tried to order this week? Have you ever written somebody’s name wrong on purpose because you didn’t like them?

BONUS: If you really want to exert your social muscle, check out my video with a view to improving your social abilities. It’s less than 30 minutes.

Enhance your small talk

Small talk is a CRITICAL part of life and building relationships — it’s what helps people get to know each other, establishes meaningful connections, and lays down the foundation for great long-term relationships.

The term “small talk” is actually a complete misnomer because of its HUGE impact on forming relationships and developing unshakable confidence. As such, it takes a lot more care and nuance than just get right down to the point.

If you walked right up to a CEO you admired at a mixer or convention and said, “I REALLY LIKE YOU. GIVE ME A JOB, PLEASE! ” how do you think she’d react? She probably wouldn’t give you that job.

But if you went in with some care, and depicted her into an amazing conversation and THEN asked her for a undertaking( or better yet merely advice or a coffee meeting ), she’d be a hell of much more susceptible to it.

The key is realizing that confidence and the ability to carry a good conversation are skills — and like any other skill they can be learned, honed, and mastered.

I used to feel uncomfortable and out of place during social events too — but over day, I’ve developed hacks for confidence in new situations.

I’ll show you exactly how I do it in these 3 short videos. Only enter your email for instant access.

How to talk to people( even though they are you don’t know what to say ) is a post from: I Will Teach You To Be Rich.

Read more: iwillteachyoutoberich.com

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